Where does one stop and the other begin? — I’ve ruminated so much on my relationship at this point that even though it’s a very healthy relationship and my SO is very securely attached, my brain just can’t seem to cope with that. There were moments in the beginning of the relationship where some small gestures and habits turned…

“When you’re in love, you just know.” — When it comes to romance, there is always this idea of intuition being the key factor in deciding how you feel about someone. When you’re in love, you just know. When you meet the right person, you’ll crave them and want to see them…

Whether It’s ROCD or Relationship Anxiety, I Can’t Take It — All I wanted was for someone to love me and somewhere to put my love. All I wanted was to hold and be held, send stupid little pictures to each other, and blush every time their face popped into my head. Now, my brain feels like it’s about to burst…

Trans existence is resistance — Wake up, go to work, come home and have a coffee and a snack, work out, eat dinner, go to bed, repeat. That’s been my general schedule for the past couple of months. I still make the same small talk at work about the weather, I still see my friends…

Reflections from a girl ~1 year into hormone therapy — It’s always nice to start on a high note, so let me just say that I am grateful every day for the opportunity to be on HRT. I could practically recite word for word a bevy of trans women’s HRT update videos in the mid-2010s, yearning to undergo the same…

For whom does the cat call, if not for thee? — Ever since high school, I’ve hated teenage boys. That’s not exactly true given the number of times my cheeks would flush involuntarily around some of them, even if I found them just a tad insufferable. However, hearing about how they treated girls like meat and treated each other so roughly in the locker room made it much easier…

I’m Orpheus, trying to allure and convince — There’s a robin perched on the powerline outside my window. I only looked because light was painting itself across my walls like dusky ocean waves, and I wanted to catch a glimpse of the sunset. When I turned my head, I saw it sitting there, flitting its little gray wings…

“You’re So Accommodating” Sweet, unassuming, passive, pushover, amicable, amiable, adaptable, compassionate, understanding — when anyone not too close to me describes my disposition, these are the words they’d probably use. That’s what’s best about me, my subdued chameleonic character that lets me slip into most situations. Awkward, but unassuming. Quiet and unobtrusive. Mild…

I had constructed a life and lived it as someone else — a boy who was kind and sensitive to his friends, played sports, and was gay (at most). It was only a matter of time before my charade came crashing down. — I can picture it now — the rain dancing lightly on polished cherry wood, drumming to drown out the choked sobs of family and friends. The sky is cast a pale, flat gray. The air bites at everyone’s faces until they’re peony pink, on a late fall afternoon. I’ve imagined…